Ведь в этом мире мне нечего больше терять, кроме мертвого чувства предельной вины...
Serg: I'm sure now that you did not betray me I'm guilty and I've lost my only chance You felt a leak of love and care maybe But never sought another man's romance
Do you remember us exchanging vows To be together till the very end But I belived the gossips of the cowards I spilled the blood, my heart has bled! Kareen: My prince, you have deserved - and you're rewarded The price for your hot temper is your fate Ignored the truth to please your mind - it's sordid You loved me? Thus your love is cold as hate.
The words are useless now, we are just strangers My feelings, memories and friends are dead You sins are leading you to deadly dangers You'll spill your blood. My heart has bled! Serg: The hard words! I don't blame you as I'm guilty Your love was like a crystal - so fragile I've broken and bestained it - such a pity - I spilled the blood of your ally
I beg for our son, pray he'd inhere - He won't inherit sins to go ahead You are the only one his dear and near His native blood... My heart has bled! Kareen: Our son is not your business nor obstruction For him your name will be an empty sound You've chosen your own way of self-destruction Abandoned us and bit the battle ground
Good bye, my prince,adopt your fate. You're staying A nightmare on a lonely widow's bed Your cold gravestone will bear an engraving "He spilled the blood - and has bled dead"
Ack, this is what I get for not subscribing to all the threads. Very interesting Um... cannot translate the whole opera at once, but I'll just mention the English issues that immediately pop out at me.
3: a word other than "leak" should be used. This is not a romantic word at all 7: "believed" - also "gossip of the cowards", I guess, although vow/cowards is an extremely strained rhyme. 8: Um... "spilled his blood"? Not so sure about how to handle the blood parts in this song, but the "the" shouldn't be there. 9-10: Kareen's idioms here are off a bit. 15: "You sins" [Your sins] is not quite right even when corrected. 20: "ally" is the wrong word here. 21: "inhere" is not a word I recognize 28: "bit" isn't right. "bit the dust" is a specific bit of phrasing that can't be generalized out like that.
otherwise the phrasing and grammar may need a bit of tweaking but the structure's pretty solid.
Ведь в этом мире мне нечего больше терять, кроме мертвого чувства предельной вины...
teldreaming, when all English internet assures me ther's neither rhyme nor near-rhyme I choose the assonance to save the meaning. Try to sing it several times - you'll get what I mean. And please make all the corrections, as I don't FEEL your language. In Russian it's common (and even interesting) to play words, e.g. to join "bit the ground" and "battle ground". If it's not good - change it. Thanks for pointing out my misprints - I have them in Russian, English, Chinese and Japanese, yeah, I'm absentminded a little and work very fast )) So of course LACK, BELIEVED, YOUR, ADHERE etc. I don't understand why you don't like "ally". Wasn't Vortala Kareen's ally? Up to you, what's your variant?
Speaking frankly, Lord Vortala was Kareen's friend of youth, maybe he even fell in love with her but unrequited. So they aren't allies at all, they never acted together. crony, maybe?
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22.02.2012 в 13:52I'm sure now that you did not betray me
I'm guilty and I've lost my only chance
You felt a leak of love and care maybe
But never sought another man's romance
Do you remember us exchanging vows
To be together till the very end
But I belived the gossips of the cowards
I spilled the blood, my heart has bled!
Kareen:
My prince, you have deserved - and you're rewarded
The price for your hot temper is your fate
Ignored the truth to please your mind - it's sordid
You loved me? Thus your love is cold as hate.
The words are useless now, we are just strangers
My feelings, memories and friends are dead
You sins are leading you to deadly dangers
You'll spill your blood. My heart has bled!
Serg:
The hard words! I don't blame you as I'm guilty
Your love was like a crystal - so fragile
I've broken and bestained it - such a pity -
I spilled the blood of your ally
I beg for our son, pray he'd inhere -
He won't inherit sins to go ahead
You are the only one his dear and near
His native blood... My heart has bled!
Kareen:
Our son is not your business nor obstruction
For him your name will be an empty sound
You've chosen your own way of self-destruction
Abandoned us and bit the battle ground
Good bye, my prince,adopt your fate. You're staying
A nightmare on a lonely widow's bed
Your cold gravestone will bear an engraving
"He spilled the blood - and has bled dead"
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23.02.2012 в 17:19-
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23.02.2012 в 18:48-
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23.02.2012 в 20:53-
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25.02.2012 в 10:303: a word other than "leak" should be used. This is not a romantic word at all
7: "believed" - also "gossip of the cowards", I guess, although vow/cowards is an extremely strained rhyme.
8: Um... "spilled his blood"? Not so sure about how to handle the blood parts in this song, but the "the" shouldn't be there.
9-10: Kareen's idioms here are off a bit.
15: "You sins" [Your sins] is not quite right even when corrected.
20: "ally" is the wrong word here.
21: "inhere" is not a word I recognize
28: "bit" isn't right. "bit the dust" is a specific bit of phrasing that can't be generalized out like that.
otherwise the phrasing and grammar may need a bit of tweaking but the structure's pretty solid.
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25.02.2012 в 11:56And please make all the corrections, as I don't FEEL your language.
In Russian it's common (and even interesting) to play words, e.g. to join "bit the ground" and "battle ground". If it's not good - change it.
Thanks for pointing out my misprints - I have them in Russian, English, Chinese and Japanese, yeah, I'm absentminded a little and work very fast )) So of course LACK, BELIEVED, YOUR, ADHERE etc.
I don't understand why you don't like "ally". Wasn't Vortala Kareen's ally? Up to you, what's your variant?
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26.02.2012 в 11:03"Ally" implies they were fighting together against something. Not quite appropriate in this context. He was her friend (or similar)
"adhere"... um... I don't think this works. Unless Kareen is planning to glue baby Gregor to the walls
Everyone's going too fast
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26.02.2012 в 12:33crony, maybe?
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26.02.2012 в 12:44-
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26.02.2012 в 17:49To avoid "ally" - "I've killed your friend, so who am I"
"You gonna bite the dust of battle ground" - how about this?