текст арииНа сцене вспыхивает яркий свет. Теперь это танцевальный зал дома Фортала, тут и там в зале стоят неподвижные пары. Вступает вальс, и пары оживают. На авансцене Карин и Иллиан. Они тоже движутся в танце, более раскованном, чем классический вальс, и представляют собой странную пару, которых связывает не любовь, а социальные условности - Иллиан сопровождает Карин как представитель СБ.
Карин:
Аристократы Форбарр-Султаны Мирною жизнью хмелеют, И поколенье не знавших войны Кровь проливает в аллеях.
Иллиан:
Жизни столичной кипящий котел Ведьминским варевом полон, А над клинком, что горяч и остер, Трезвый рассудок не волен.
Иллиан и Карин:
Полный бокал В пене, как в облаке кружев… Страсти накал Буйные головы кружит.
Иллиан и Карин прерывают пение, но продолжают свой диалог.
Карин:
- Ах, Иллиан, сегодня чудный вечер, Изысканное общество под стать, Но…
Иллиан:
- Да, миледи?
Карин:
-Сложно не заметить, Что здесь среди гостей не только знать.
Иллиан:
(слегка пожимая плечами)
- Я сам - по долгу службы.
Карин:
(снисходительно улыбаясь)
- Ваша правда. А прочие?
Иллиан:
- Они же служат вместе. Простолюдина и аристократа Мундир и чин уравнивают в чести. А император должностью и званием Не только фора может наградить; Вот наш министр политвоспитания…
Карин:
(резко)
- Гришнов? Он здесь? Какой несносный тип! Честолюбив без меры, хоть незнатен, Напыщен, вкрадчив… Он мне неприятен.
Иллиан и Карин возвращаются к пению.
Карин:
Злость и обида в блистающий сплав Спаяны с дерзким задором… Молодость часто к противнику зла И на решения скора.
Иллиан:
В ножнах не хочет дремать острие, Гордость командует: "Драться!"… Молодость верит в бессмертье свое И не приемлет нотаций.
Иллиан и Карин:
В юности цель Видится бескомпромиссней; Слово "дуэль" Сухо и резко, как выстрел.
Иллиан и Карин вновь возвращаются к диалогу.
Карин:
- Ах, Иллиан, как вы несносны, право! Вы не даете шагу мне ступить. Зачем такая строгая охрана?
Иллиан:
- Миледи, я прошу меня простить, Но я обязан быть при вас бессменно.
Карин:
- Что скажут в свете? Право, что за вздор! Где там мой муж?
Иллиан:
Он будет непременно.
Карин:
- Уже четвертый час… какой позор! Зерг опоздал уже минут на двадцать Уж лучше б он совсем не приезжал… Какой позор…
Иллиан:
- Не стоит огорчаться, Возможно, что кронпринца задержал…
Карин:
(зло)
Какой-нибудь очередной приятель С бутылкой хереса… он падок на вино. А может быть, любовница в объятьях?…
Иллиан:
Миледи!
Карин:
(зло)
Ах, мне право, все равно!
Иллиан и Карин возвращаются к пению.
Карин:
Смерть обыграет их в нечет и чет, И проигравшему - проще:
Иллиан:
Вот под топор победитель идет, Через притихшую площадь…
Карин:
Ты победил или ты побежден - Смерть твоей станет наградой:
Иллиан:
За поединок карает закон,
Вместе:
Нет для обоих пощады.
Вместо венка Камень оплел в изголовье Стебель вьюнка Струйкой запекшейся крови…
Ведь в этом мире мне нечего больше терять, кроме мертвого чувства предельной вины...
Aristocrats of Vorbarr Sultana, Young generations of nobles Know no war, get so careless now Look how to die in the combats
Capital offers them red winy bud - Flower of withching eden Sword that is drunk with some fresh spilled blood Doesn't accept sober reasons
Brimmer of wine Clouds are whirling around Passion of mine Mind is as well in a cloud
- Oh Illyan, it's such a lovely evening And upper class society to match, but... - Yes, my lady? - Obvious, believe me Non-Vors here look improper and detached - I am non-Vor on duty... - I don't mean you, But others, huh? - They are employed officials A uniform and rank for common people Make equal to the Vors until dismissal Our Emperor gives proper occupation For commoners together with the Vors. As our Minister of Polit'Education...
- Grishnov? I hate that man's duplicity and gloss Ambitious guy concealing real purpose Bombastic commoner, he makes me nervous!
Young nobles' anger for fabulous hurt Melt with the impudent spirit Keeps the hearts constantly on the alert, Both rapid fire and rigid Measuring swords is a good exercise Arrogance's pushing to duels Youngsters believe they're immortal and wise, Throw back adviser's "Don't do it!"
Crossing the swords Seems to them ultimatistic Challenge is short Death is short, be realistic
- Oh Illyan, you're bothering me, golly I'm sick and tired with your over-care Do you suspect one of those alcoholics? - My lady, please forgive me but I sweared To stay right by your side for every minute. - I wonder what could rumors say. Who cares! Where is my husband? - Soon he will be here. - The ball has started lately, that's disgrace Serg made us wait - and yet I wish he came! Or maybe no, let him never come! Oh what a shame... - I hardly see a shame, My lady - guess, His Highness has just run... - Into his drinking buddy I suppose - And poor Serg's unable to resist this! Some wine - a lot of wine! And maybe mistress... - My lady! - I don't care, never mind.
Duel - you know - has a principal rule: Death is the only true winner Killing you go to the scaffold, you're fool Thin ice becomes even thinner Winner and loser consequently get Greater disgrace than supposed Winner is punished and looser is dead There's no mercy for both
Single wild rose Tenderly writhes grave-stone Spots of red moss Bring back your bloody dishonor
It's FAR from ideal translation, sure It's one of the most difficult arias, I guess. "My" Karin is a bit more bitchy than supposed, sorry )
Here's my translation of the sung parts from this. I got the rhyme to work in some places better than others, and I've taken some liberties with the Russian too .
Kareen: Vorbarr Sultana's most eminent lords Revel in peacetime's fair fortune This generation, kept safe from the wars Bleed in the alleys instead now
Illyan: Life in the city's a boiling pot Seething with magical potions With a sword in the hand the passions grow hot And man's sober reason's forgotten
Together: Flowing with wine Clouding the mind with its spilling Passions combine Whirling in dizzying turns
[...]
Kareen: Young men flare up at the least little thing By passionate anger devoured The sword's the solution to all of their ills Uncompromising with evils
Illyan: The sword has no longing to sleep in its sheath Its greatest desire is to fight Young men believe that they never will die And won't heed their elders' advice
Together: Peacemaking words Won't blunt the edge of a rapier Only a duel Satisfies honour and anger
[...]
Kareen: Death takes them both at the start and the end Neither will live to grow old
Illyan: Under the law there's but one punishment The victor will die on the scaffold
Kareen: Kill and be killed is the law of the duel There's no escaping the sword
Illyan: The Emperor's word means death for them both
Together: Neither can mercy afford
In place of a crown The victor has only a tombstone Garlands around Red roses decking death's throne
Ведь в этом мире мне нечего больше терять, кроме мертвого чувства предельной вины...
Не хочу обидеть Philomytha, но ее текст поется с трудом, с рифмами вопрос. jetta-e, выбирай )) У меня сейчас по работе загон, я немного отошла от каждодневных переводов. Надеюсь возобновить, уж больно оно штырит.
My version is unfinished - I'm still tinkering with bits of it. Here's the latest:
Kareen: Vorbarr Sultana's most eminent lords Revel in peacetime's fair fortune This generation, kept safe from the wars Bleed in the city's back alleys
Illyan: Life in the city's a simmering pot Seething with magical potions Wielding a sword makes the passions grow hot And all sober reason's forgotten
Together: Flowing with wine Clouding the mind with its spilling Passions combine Whirling in dizzying turns
[not happy with that chorus yet; it doesn't make much sense in English, but I'm having difficulty understanding precisely what the Russian is getting at]
Kareen: Young men flare up at the first hasty word Burning with passionate anger At each scornful insult they reach for the sword And never think of the danger
Illyan: The sword has no longing to sleep in its sheath Its greatest desire is to fight Young men believe that they never will die And won't heed their elders' advice
[this one needs closer rhymes]
Together: Peacemaking words Won't blunt the edge of a saber Only a duel Satisfies honour and anger
Kareen: Death takes them both at the start and the end Neither will live to grow old
Illyan: Under the law there's but one punishment The victor will die on the scaffold
Kareen: Kill and be killed is the law of the duel There's no escaping the headsman
Illyan: The Emperor's word means death for them both
Together: Mercy is shown now to no man
Stranglevines bloom Swathing the victor's cold headstone Over the tomb Flowers like blood running down
Гость, it's the party visual I think. As it goes - full (to the brim) glass with froth over it like in a cloud of lace, the temperature (fever pitch), the heat of the running passions makes hot heads (madcaps) spin, lit up in Dutch courage. Young nobles are high on spirits and some sort of savage celebratory mood.
uh... jetta-e it would be helpful to give more warning before pushing things over to the English-speaking side of fandom, particularly when both translations could use a little more finesse - I owe everybody feedback but cannot translate the whole rock opera at once...
Not asking you to yank them at this stage, but I have thoughts about the best way to present this stuff for an English-speaking audience, particularly on AO3.
teldreaming, perhaps it was my own mistake, I agree My primary purpose was to present the new musical video to the English speaking part of LMB fandom; both translates were meant in the first place for explaining its Russian content. But if you think that it was untimely to make these translation publish I don't mind to move them off. Your opinion is important for me.
If the translators are OK with posting it's not my place to veto... but they should be asked first... I would personally prefer to handle the presentation of the opera in English myself - among other things I think you'll probably get more feedback that way. You should add Philomytha as a co-author if you're using her translation on AO3, so she can edit it as necessary.
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19.01.2012 в 09:48Young generations of nobles
Know no war, get so careless now
Look how to die in the combats
Capital offers them red winy bud -
Flower of withching eden
Sword that is drunk with some fresh spilled blood
Doesn't accept sober reasons
Brimmer of wine
Clouds are whirling around
Passion of mine
Mind is as well in a cloud
- Oh Illyan, it's such a lovely evening
And upper class society to match, but...
- Yes, my lady?
- Obvious, believe me
Non-Vors here look improper and detached
- I am non-Vor on duty...
- I don't mean you,
But others, huh?
- They are employed officials
A uniform and rank for common people
Make equal to the Vors until dismissal
Our Emperor gives proper occupation
For commoners together with the Vors.
As our Minister of Polit'Education...
- Grishnov? I hate that man's duplicity and gloss
Ambitious guy concealing real purpose
Bombastic commoner, he makes me nervous!
Young nobles' anger for fabulous hurt
Melt with the impudent spirit
Keeps the hearts constantly on the alert,
Both rapid fire and rigid
Measuring swords is a good exercise
Arrogance's pushing to duels
Youngsters believe they're immortal and wise,
Throw back adviser's "Don't do it!"
Crossing the swords
Seems to them ultimatistic
Challenge is short
Death is short, be realistic
- Oh Illyan, you're bothering me, golly
I'm sick and tired with your over-care
Do you suspect one of those alcoholics?
- My lady, please forgive me but I sweared
To stay right by your side for every minute.
- I wonder what could rumors say. Who cares!
Where is my husband?
- Soon he will be here.
- The ball has started lately, that's disgrace
Serg made us wait - and yet I wish he came!
Or maybe no, let him never come!
Oh what a shame...
- I hardly see a shame,
My lady - guess, His Highness has just run...
- Into his drinking buddy I suppose -
And poor Serg's unable to resist this!
Some wine - a lot of wine! And maybe mistress...
- My lady!
- I don't care, never mind.
Duel - you know - has a principal rule:
Death is the only true winner
Killing you go to the scaffold, you're fool
Thin ice becomes even thinner
Winner and loser consequently get
Greater disgrace than supposed
Winner is punished and looser is dead
There's no mercy for both
Single wild rose
Tenderly writhes grave-stone
Spots of red moss
Bring back your bloody dishonor
It's FAR from ideal translation, sure
It's one of the most difficult arias, I guess.
"My" Karin is a bit more bitchy than supposed, sorry )
-
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19.01.2012 в 10:04-
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25.01.2012 в 15:42Kareen:
Vorbarr Sultana's most eminent lords
Revel in peacetime's fair fortune
This generation, kept safe from the wars
Bleed in the alleys instead now
Illyan:
Life in the city's a boiling pot
Seething with magical potions
With a sword in the hand the passions grow hot
And man's sober reason's forgotten
Together:
Flowing with wine
Clouding the mind with its spilling
Passions combine
Whirling in dizzying turns
[...]
Kareen:
Young men flare up at the least little thing
By passionate anger devoured
The sword's the solution to all of their ills
Uncompromising with evils
Illyan:
The sword has no longing to sleep in its sheath
Its greatest desire is to fight
Young men believe that they never will die
And won't heed their elders' advice
Together:
Peacemaking words
Won't blunt the edge of a rapier
Only a duel
Satisfies honour and anger
[...]
Kareen:
Death takes them both at the start and the end
Neither will live to grow old
Illyan:
Under the law there's but one punishment
The victor will die on the scaffold
Kareen:
Kill and be killed is the law of the duel
There's no escaping the sword
Illyan:
The Emperor's word means death for them both
Together:
Neither can mercy afford
In place of a crown
The victor has only a tombstone
Garlands around
Red roses decking death's throne
- Philomytha
-
-
31.01.2012 в 07:50-
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31.01.2012 в 08:00jetta-e, выбирай )) У меня сейчас по работе загон, я немного отошла от каждодневных переводов. Надеюсь возобновить, уж больно оно штырит.
-
-
31.01.2012 в 08:03-
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31.01.2012 в 14:14Kareen:
Vorbarr Sultana's most eminent lords
Revel in peacetime's fair fortune
This generation, kept safe from the wars
Bleed in the city's back alleys
Illyan:
Life in the city's a simmering pot
Seething with magical potions
Wielding a sword makes the passions grow hot
And all sober reason's forgotten
Together:
Flowing with wine
Clouding the mind with its spilling
Passions combine
Whirling in dizzying turns
[not happy with that chorus yet; it doesn't make much sense in English, but I'm having difficulty understanding precisely what the Russian is getting at]
Kareen:
Young men flare up at the first hasty word
Burning with passionate anger
At each scornful insult they reach for the sword
And never think of the danger
Illyan:
The sword has no longing to sleep in its sheath
Its greatest desire is to fight
Young men believe that they never will die
And won't heed their elders' advice
[this one needs closer rhymes]
Together:
Peacemaking words
Won't blunt the edge of a saber
Only a duel
Satisfies honour and anger
Kareen:
Death takes them both at the start and the end
Neither will live to grow old
Illyan:
Under the law there's but one punishment
The victor will die on the scaffold
Kareen:
Kill and be killed is the law of the duel
There's no escaping the headsman
Illyan:
The Emperor's word means death for them both
Together:
Mercy is shown now to no man
Stranglevines bloom
Swathing the victor's cold headstone
Over the tomb
Flowers like blood running down
- Philomytha
-
-
31.01.2012 в 21:28-
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04.02.2012 в 21:12Not asking you to yank them at this stage, but I have thoughts about the best way to present this stuff for an English-speaking audience, particularly on AO3.
-
-
04.02.2012 в 23:00My primary purpose was to present the new musical video to the English speaking part of LMB fandom; both translates were meant in the first place for explaining its Russian content. But if you think that it was untimely to make these translation publish I don't mind to move them off. Your opinion is important for me.
-
-
05.02.2012 в 04:15I would personally prefer to handle the presentation of the opera in English myself - among other things I think you'll probably get more feedback that way.
You should add Philomytha as a co-author if you're using her translation on AO3, so she can edit it as necessary.