Because this is a monologue, basically a soliloquy, I'm very tempted to put the whole thing in iambic pentameter, which is the standard form for drama. The short line length with the rhyme is very constraining in English and I think it could be more elegant given a bit more space to work with.
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18.01.2012 в 12:18Beware of darksome superstitions
That grow in heart and then prevent
Of wisdom. Fear is submission
Three silent portraits look at prince
He couldn't help with cold fear
What if he heirs all the sins -
Of madman, victim and the hero
Some people earn eternal fame
They stand in bronze and live in stories
Yet others get the silent shame
No grief, no memory, no worries
Prince Serg who perished young and bloomed -
Before got highest power ever -
A shooting star of tragic doom
That scratched the Barrayaran heaven
Who was he, real man in flesh?
The subject of my troubles and quarrels
Vice Admiral in my own age
The son of man I was adoring
Who can remember? Just I do,
I am a witness of the ages
Who keeps in mind an overview
Of wins and falls, of gains and dangers.
My Sire, Emperor Ezar
Was dying - yet his mind well-honed -
Confessing verdict he decides:
My son will never be enthroned!
I know that there's a mess with past and present tence in the last 4 lines. If you find a better variant it would be great, 'cause I got stuck here.
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25.01.2012 в 10:43I'll be taking this to the con too.
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06.02.2012 в 02:20Because this is a monologue, basically a soliloquy, I'm very tempted to put the whole thing in iambic pentameter, which is the standard form for drama. The short line length with the rhyme is very constraining in English and I think it could be more elegant given a bit more space to work with.