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22:09 

11. "Дуэль" ("Честь")

jetta-e
"На крышах Форбарр-Султаны шафранный закат померк..."
С разных сторон сцены входят Зерг и Фортала с мечами в руках. За Зергом тенью следует Юрий, за Форталой - Иллиан. Бойцы становятся в позицию, Иллиан и Юрий занимают места секундантов.

Иллиан:

Чести славу поет безмолвие,

Юрий:

Чести славу поет безумие,

Иллиан:

Честь в чести у прекраснословия,

Юрий:

Не в чести у благоразумия.

Иллиан:

Честь - мерило супружней верности,

Юрий:

Честь - мерило солдатской доблести,

Иллиан:

Честь шагает в обнимку с дерзостью,

Юрий:

Честь шагает в обнимку с гордостью!

Бойцы сходятся в поединке. Юрий и Иллиан лишь остаются наблюдать - призрак и человек, которые на самом деле не присутствовали при этом поединке.

Иллиан и Юрий:

Честью клянутся и поступаются,
Честью служат и честью просят,
Честь продается и покупается,
Честь добывают и с честью носят.

Честь по чести - как кровь по лезвию:
Стон клинка похоронной вестью.
Честь в ближайшем родстве с бессмертием,
Честь в ближайшем родстве со смертью!

Кодекс чести начертан пурпуром,
Честь и кровь неразрывно связаны.
Честной сталью в игре по-крупному
Честь оказана! Честь оказана!

На последних аккордах свет плавно переходит в красный. Зерг наносит Фортале смертельный удар. Фортала падает. Зерг застывает над ним безмолвной статуей. Юрий подходит к Зергу и, накинув на него плащ, уводит со сцены.

Аудиозапись: lavka.lib.ru/bujold/mp3/1-12%20honour.mp3
Зеркало сайта: lavkamirov.com/bujold/mp3/1-12%20honour.mp3

Видеоклип: www.youtube.com/watch?v=MQtYgLoABHk

Комментарии
2012-01-11 в 22:40 

Хорошая крыша летает сама!


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Hail the honour in ringing silence

Hail the honour in raving madness

Glorified by courtly eloquence

Hardly valued by sense and prudence

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Honour measures consort behaviour

Honour measures a warrior’s bravery

Honour’s striding along with insolence

Honour’s striding along with arrogance

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Honour one swears on and then it’s given up

Honour one serves with, honour one asks for

Honour one sells out and then it’s taken up

Honour one earns and honourably then goes

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Honour falls on one with grave finality

Crying blood on the blade as it falls

Honour’s one step from immortality

Honour’s one step from death that follows!

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Code of honour inscribed in crimson

Binds inseparably blood and honour

In a game for the highest stake it seems

Only honest steel does the honour!

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2012-01-11 в 23:09 

(скопировано из моего днева, коммент teldreaming)

I'm not sure if I'm matching the Russian enough but here's an effort on the first 8 lines (minus line three, which will need more thinking about)
I'll use the American spelling of honor for now, though there's nothing wrong with the British.

For lines 5 and 6, I think the simplest and most immediately understandable way to do this is to cast it as a male/female divide. You're personifying honor a bit more than is typical in English, and I've adjusted the phrasing accordingly. Line 7 and 8 I'm not sure on. And after that the meter gets really difficult.


Illyan:
Honor sings from glorious silence

Yuri:
Honor sings from the heart of madness

Illyan:
[line 3 - I'm thinking honor something something something poetry]

Yuri:
There's no honor in rationality

Illyan;
Honor's measured by women's loyalty

Yuri:
Honor's measured by men's bravery

Illyan:
Honor marches ahead with fearlessness

Yuri:
Honor marches ahead with arrogance


Я: for 5 and 6:
how do we stress that we measure smth with honour, not the other way around (i.e. honour is an etalon)?

well I had an idea to use honest and honed somewhere where it can be safely inserted if some honour phraze doesn't scan.
the point is to fit in as many honour-like words and word combinations as possible without ruining the sense.

can you name some more words with hon- ?

one other way would be to collect as many honour-phrazes in English as possible and construct entirely new lyrics with them

ответ:
though, hmm, "strides" indeed might work better for "marches".

nonspecific thoughts on the rest: I don't think using 'one' is correct here, especially so repetitively.

some "honor" phrases, just for general reference. not exhaustive.

"honor demands"
"serving honorably"
"honor is earned"
"it's a privilege and [an] honor" - probably won't scan
"worn with honor" - usually only of medals, maybe uniforms.
medals can also be called honors

5-6 I think this may be a language barrier issue? It would not be natural to me to say it the other way around but I think the meaning ends up being roughly equivalent rhetorically in this specific case. I think it could be done the other way but I believe a word other then "measure" would need to be used.

To try to unpack what I mean by those lines: an individual's personal honor (against an abstract scale of all honor) is shown by how brave/loyal they are. But the personal honor is a fixed trait, so the bravery/loyalty only shows what is there to begin with?

honest - yes, they share a root. Not honed, they don't and the vowel's wrong.

URL
2012-01-14 в 10:36 

teldreaming
3: Honor inspires the art of poetry

2012-01-31 в 23:03 

Хорошая крыша летает сама!
Hymn to honour sang by dead silence
Hymn to honour sang by mad violence
Hackneyed by flattering words' exuberance
Running counter to sense and prudence

Honour’s a virtue of spouse’s integrity
Honour’s a virtue of warrior’s valance
Honour’s a sin of youth’s audacity
Honour’s a sin of pride and arrogance

2012-02-01 в 05:41 

teldreaming
Menada, I've sent your draft past filker Bob Esty because I'm stalled on it. When I hear back from him I'll let you know. I've recruited a couple other people who may or may not show up here in due course. I am highly distracted by running the Winterfair ficathon and post-con stuff right now, but I'll try to check in and give feedback to everyone here on Sunday.

2012-02-01 в 05:48 

jetta-e
"На крышах Форбарр-Султаны шафранный закат померк..."
teldreaming, нам всем очень интересно узнать, как прошел Confilkt - как англоязычный фэндом воспринял нашу рок-оперу и проект по ее переводу. так что ждем, пока тебя немного отпустят дела с фикатоном, и ты немного расскажешь.

2012-02-01 в 10:33 

Хорошая крыша летает сама!
teldreaming, take your time, for sure) I simply store ideas as they come.

2012-02-02 в 06:50 

teldreaming
jetta-e: Conflikt is a convention for filkers of all sorts, not specifically the Vorkosigan fandom, and focuses heavily on live music so there was no real opportunity to play song recordings. There are a number of Vorkosigan fans there, of course (two I was expecting were missing, one due to a new baby, another due to legal problems), and I did introduce the translation project to the con, talk to a number of people, hand out info, and attempt to sing Grishnov's part of Night in circle. A few volunteered to help when they have time. I'm not sure if they'll be showing up here or working with me and Philomytha directly.

I have about 12 hours of con audio to split up into tracks, and that takes a while.

2012-02-02 в 19:06 

jetta-e
"На крышах Форбарр-Султаны шафранный закат померк..."
teldreaming, thanks! your summary is complete enough to know that the English-speaking fandom is quite interested in our rock opera.

2012-02-26 в 11:21 

teldreaming
A couple contributions to the discussion from me and Bob Esty. This song is tricky, though, and I don't think we're there yet.

Bob, 1st 2 verses:
Honor – proclaimed by ghostly silence
Honor - proclaimed by raving insanity
Honor – shown by courtly politeness
Honor – shown to have no rationality

Honor – the measure of woman’s faithfulness
Honor – the measure of man’s fearlessness
Honor walks hand in hand with insolence
Honor walks hand in hand with arrogance

Me, 3rd verse:

Honor is sworn by and dema(-a)nded
Honor comes from honored service
Honor is bought and sold disgracefully
Honors are earned and worn with honor

   

"Legend of Prince" rock opera

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